“How do you feel about getting another baby?”, asked Emi, a Japanese girl who I first met during Waseda entrance exam last summer and now attending the Human Rights and Development class I’m enrolled in.
She asked that during lunch because I just wondered loudly in the class for everyone to ponder – why women in industrialized countries – despite their empowerment, despite being assured of ability to provide access to education, health services, immunization, safe water, bla, bla, bla – are not being encouraged by Human Rights group to have babies, where else women in the Third world – in spite of all their shortcomings – continue risking having more babies.
The children rights issue had everyone talking – from listening to Ali, an Afghan, sharing his thoughts on child soldiers, learning that our Cambodians classmates do not had any birth certificate until recently and that only 7 percent of babies born in Bangladesh are actually registered, pondering about the rights of parents wanting to have more than a child in China and to increase our awareness of children living in shadows everywhere. We were asked to read several chapters of Unicef’s report on “The State of the World’s Children 2006”, paying special attention to ‘excluded’ and ‘invisible’ children. Blame it on my raging hormones – but there were times while reading about misplaced children due to armed conflicts, girls forced into early marriages rendering them servants for the rest of their lives, illegally trafficked children involved in the underworld, homeless children and HIV-positive children facing torment – which touched me so greatly that made me shed a tear or two. It was an academic report – not a novel, and far from a movie – yet I was so moved by the plight of these children who have loss their childhood, who are most in need of care and protection, yet are often forgotten and excluded in many countries, societies and communities.
Coming back to Emi – “First, a baby is a gift from God, so of course I am happy to be the recipient of such a precious gift. Secondly, God willing, I am sure I am capable of providing all the basic necessities – health services, immunization, education, bla, bla, bla. More importantly, hubby and I will try to provide all the love and nurturing the baby needs too. It’s the world that he or she grows in that I have no actual control of – and that’s what scares me most.”
“But you have a child now, and you are studying for your Masters, are you sure it won’t be a problem for you?”, Piseth, a Cambodian friend who just got married in February to a 19 year old girl, questioned.
“Well, having a child could help strengthening my relationship with my husband. He helps with the household chores, he helps with the baby stuff that need to be done. It all adds up to make me appreciate and love him more. And I am well aware that not all husbands are willing to make the sacrifices that he does,” I answered quietly.
“You are one lucky lady, shining so brightly with happiness..Oh, I’m getting blinded sitting next to you” Emi teased.
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Yes, it’s true, having a child and raising him ourselves, spending almost 24/7 with him give us a test that not all parents are subjected to. My working friends send their children to nursery or day-care centres or leave them at home during office hours with their domestic helper. Hubby and I – we are almost stay-at-home-parents, although I am supposed to be a full time Masters student and he, the Imam of a mosque.
When Huzaifah gets his adik next spring insya Allah, his father and I will have to work more creatively on creating schedules to work around the two of them – multi tasking, organizing stuff for optimum effectiveness and so on. Right now, with Huzaifah being able to walk and climb dining table and oven yet still unable to appreciate that he should leave freshly folded clothes alone – it’s getting to be a bit difficult to remain sane at all times. Especially so when the father begin to lecture about keeping the house tidy when there’s an assignment due the next day.
That’s why I am thankful of Tuesdays and Thursdays (the days I have to go to school) – when I can take my breather away from my beloved son and hubby and messy house for a while, when I can stop thinking about the dirty sink or the smelly diaper or the thick pile of laundry waiting to be attended to. It’s not just about going to class and meeting friends and discussing world politics. It also means getting some private time for me to read novel in the train, to blog or bloghopping a little, to window shop sometimes, to get my monthly treat of tendon at Tenya, to sit in a park or just walk and indulge in people watching.
And I guess, hubby, like me, appreciates his Mondays and Wednesdays (when he goes teaching) for giving him some private time too…
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